perspective........

About a month ago I was having a bad day ... down about several very sad things happening with family members. I looked out at my drought dried yard and it seemed to just show what our family's life was at that time. So barren from joy, just one big BLAH, with no sign that green grass would grow again, that flowers would bloom, that beauty would return someday.
Since it was a fairly warm day, I did what I usually do when depression tries to grab hold of my spirit. I headed outside to lay and capture the warmth of the sun before fall and winter really decended
.
I was really so close to giving into total depression that I laid down and just closed my eyes, and tried to just fall asleep and shut down my mind. But my mind did not want to shut down..... people that fight depression seem to always find a way to blame every trouble on themselves. This child is suffering because I did something wrong..... this person died becaue i did not pray right...... this friend's heart is broken because I did not share the right word of encouragement..... that is how the mind attacks you. In one day every good thing in my life disappeared and all I could see was the dry , brown, dying landscape of my back yard, as a perfect picture of all my imagined failures.  Surely nothing could live there, thrive there, be blessed there.... not in that brown yard or not in my life. And surely no one could look at my life and see anything else but dry , brown  , useless clay.

   Then the whispers started..... " open your eyes"
And I did ...... and this is what I saw.....

I don't have a fancy camera..... I couldnt pick up the ants scurrying around in this skyscraper of green. I couldnt pick up the fluttering of little bug happily flying around this oasis of life, but they were there... oblivious to the desert around them. When I looked out my backdoor I would have bet any amount of money that there was not one blade of grass growing in that sea of brown...... but to those little bugs, there were huge cities where they were going about their business , happily enjoying the warm sun.

"That's your life" , the whisper said..... "Sometimes the big picture looks very bleak, very barren.... but I see from all angles, all perspectives. I see the patches of green, past triumphs, future happiness, and blessings every day even when you do not"

My day changed totally just looking at things from a bugs eye view. Instead of focusing on the bad things that were going on, I started thinking about all the good things going on right in the midst of the seeming desert. The big bad turn of events in one childs life gave way to the really good things that are still in place, and all the things that will be with prayer and support. The failures that had blown so large in my mind started being replaced by all the blessings in my life.... and like those ants, I started enjoying the tall buildings of green that surrounded me, I started seeing that even if it is just a small patch of life , if I stay in the memory of those blessings during the drought time, then life is good........ really good.

TJ 2010