the stage

   I have been looking at old pictures of my girls in the days of when they danced in competitions. Oh the times I sat and waited for a performance that they had been practicing to give for the last year. All the audience sitting and waiting for the show to begin. It would be dark in the auditorium and we would be talking in hushed voices waiting for the show to begin.
  It is a strange thing as you wait. You dont really think about it but yet you dont imagine that your child is really back there beyond that curtain. You feel as though the audience is all that is there and that somehow magically your child will appear when the stagehands pull that curtain open and then there they are, ready to put on the show.
   But the truth is they are there.......... and beyond the veil of that curtain there is more show going on then most of the audience would ever imagine! There are last minute dances going on getting certain moves 'just right' ... there are last minute costume fixes with pins and needles and threads. There are tears of fear and laughter of excitement. There is frenzy and calm, work and play...... so much going on that the audience could never imagine.
    The first time I went to a show put on by my dancing girls I sat in the dark auditorium and suddenly there was a quick slight movement on the side of the curtain and a little face looked out for a moment. It was then that the whispers from the Spirit of God started to talk to me. Those whispers reminded me that the veil that separates this life and the next works the same way. We walk through this world pointing up toward the sky when we speak of the next world. We think of the next life as 'up there' somewhere, a place we will enter when we die. We dont realize we think this way but as we walk through the life we know deep down we think that heaven is waiting to start when we get there. Deep down we really dont get that it is not 'on hold' until we arrive. Just like the dance show I was waiting for , there is so much activity in the next world, preparing for my arrival. Heaven is not dark nothingness behind a veil , waiting to come alive when I arrive. It is right there, with work and activity always happening even if I dont see past the curtain that separates me from the Kingdom of God.
   Jesus said the Kingdom of God is among you.... it is right there, behind that veil waiting until my eyes can open to see it. For most people the waiting is until they shut their eyes to this world in death. For those who seek the Kingdom hard, they are blessed to have their eyes open in this life and they see the Kingdom. We call them great prophets, or excellent healers, we believe they are special and different than us. But anyone who seeks the Kingdom can find it if they truly want to, and they can get views of what is going on behind the curtain if they will allow their Spirits to grow and allow their eyes to open.
   I wonder how many people in the audience saw that little girl peek out for a moment before the show. I am betting most of them were talking and laughing with other audeience members to see the little flash of light and the curious face. The thing I remember the most is wondering who was more excited, myself to see the show, or the little girl to put the show on ! I think it is the same with the heavenly beings. They are excited for the day when the sons and daughters of God are all together in the Kingdom they are preparing for us...... I imagine that some of them peek over hoping that one of us would get a glimpse of the place they are preparing for us.
   I think about why I was able to catch that face of that girl that night and the answer I get is , I was so preoccupied with waiting for that first glimpse of my girls dancing I was studying the curtain. I did not take my eyes off of the curtain because I was so anxious to see it start to pull apart and let me see my girls. I hope I have the same anticipation to see my Saviour and Creator and the world they inhabit. I hope that as I enjoy this life I also keep my eye and spirit so trained on the spirit world that I dont miss a glimpse here and there of the Kingdom that surrounds me , the world that is there for me for eternity. I hope that I get glimpses often enough for it to remain real to me as I walk in this life.

The sting of the bee..........

  My daughter was stung by a bee this weekend....... She just keeps being stunned by how much it is swelling, how much it hurts..... such a little creature doing so much damage. I understand her frustration, I also suffered the same reaction to bee stings as a child, that awful itching , the pain underneath as you try to scratch the itch and the weird almost numb feeling of a hand so swollen.
  But as she complains the whispers start.... reminding me that all things in nature are used by my Creator to teach things to a spirit that is open and listening to His Voice. 
   I tell her, the bee is tiny, so out of her league where size is concerned. The bee seems to be no match for a big human, but yet, one sting and the results are a week of constant reminders that even the tiniest thing can make a huge impact in our lives.
   I remind her that her decisions in this life are the same way. Even one tiny choice can impact you for a long time. That one drink, that one night with a man, that one day you close your eyes to what your gut says..... little things in the scheme of your life but sometimes the pain lasts so long. 
   Sometimes a bee stings and you luck out, not a lot of swelling , no itching , minimal pain.... you might even think you are immune to the bees venom... but then that one particular bee stings and wow! The swelling is huge, the inching wakes you up at night and the pain makes you beg for more benadryl or Tylenol or what ever you use to make pain go away.
   Life is like that. Sometimes you might seem to 'luck out' with a bad choice, you might slide by all the warnings of your elders and have minimal adverse reactions to the choice you made......... and just about when you think that the bad choices are not going to affect you..... wow! You make one more bad choice, take one silly little risk and suddenly life changes forever , or for at least a long long time. 
   Think about the tiny bee the next time you choose ...... think about the fact that this one little decision may just have a reaction that will be so much bigger and more painful than you expected. Choose rightly everytime, talk to your Creator, listen to His advice and follow His voice. Stay away from bad choices even if they seem tiny like the bee.....................

I love to float................... all winter when I think I can not take the cold one more minute, I tell myself summer is coming........ soon....... I will be floating in the pool feeling that feeling of release and comfort of just letting the water take me where it wants to take me .
Some days there is no one in the pool during adult swim and then I am the happiest, able to close my eyes, not worrying about bumping into someone and just give into the feeling of floating without a care. Awwwww the prayers I can give up in those moments, the total general feeling of having not a care in the world.
But somedays there are other adults that want to join me in the water. I have to keep an eye open, watch where the waves take me and on those days I end up going to the side of the pool and hooking just one toe on the side of the pool to keep me anchored , so I dont float into the circle of women who stand , talking in the middle of the deep end....... or so I dont bump into the serious swimmer doing his laps. I hate the feeling of being anchored but at least I can close my eyes and relax.
The other day was an anchor day, too many people to float aimlessly around the pool. That is when I noticed that even the slightest wave from someone swimming by, or jumping in way over on the other side, caused water to go down my nose, it seemed like every other minute I had to fight to stay afloat against the waves, had to get used to the feeling of water splashing over my face. Funny, I thought, how if I am not anchored , if I float unhindered through the water, that never happens, no matter how high the waves go or how much the water is stirred I stay on top and move with the waves instead of them crashing into me.
That is when the whispers started........
Creator reminded me that this is the way of life, the path of a person who trusts Him. If you truly let go and let the waves of His Spirit move you, no matter how scary the waves get, no matter how much people think you are floating too far from what they think is safety....... if you truly lay back into My arms, you will float in peace, in safety and unhindered. But when you anchor even a toe to this world , to keep you feeling safe in this world, then you will feel the waves hit harder, you will fight to keep your life on a balanced float , you will feel battered if you try to keep your safe hold to this world, while trying to walk a truly Spirit walk with Me.
I know this is true...... the times when He has asked me to truly walk in faith on an issue or on a mission it had to be 100 % surrender to His will. People didnt understand it , well meaning people tried to tell me to hook that one toe on the earth to stay anchored........ but the times I did it right, I just floated, I just trusted and no matter how high the waves, or how scary it looked to friends and family watching, it was a peaceful wonderful ride ......
We are human, it is hard to let go of the edge of the pool sometimes, but man oh man I am so glad for the times I floated without anchor in the waves of His Spirit.
TJ James 2011

Long Shadows........

The long shadow of my house travels across a very busy street to shade half of my neighbors yard. They can move their chairs to use that shade to sit on a hot muggy summer's night, to escape those last blinding rays of sunshine. I never realized how much my houses shadow was cast upon their world. As I snapped this picture and the realization of how large my houses shadow was on their world, the whispers I know so well started.

How much does my HOME cast a shadow on my neighbors and on the lives of those around me? Is the shadow cast by the actions of myself and my children a shadow that is welcomed by my neighbors and those around me? Do they watch our comings and goings and find joy in the shadow we cast, or do they wish our shadow was not on their world? Do they see anger and unhappiness and dysfunction that makes the shadow of our lives a hulking presence, or do they see joy and peace that makes the shadow of our lives a comforting part of their world? When the shadow of my children's lives invade their world by what they see and hear, are they more apt to say  to their own children, " I wish you were more like THOSE children"... or instead are we the family that is their precautionary tale. Are they more apt to say, " thank God you are not like THOSE children." When I am parenting my children is the shadow one that makes a young new mother stop and say, " I want to be like her someday" .. .or does she watch and think, " Oh my , never let me get to be like SHE is"......

The shadow we cast on our neighbors and to those in our lives are huge. We might not be aware of the shadow, we might not realize that no matter where we go we leave our mark... but we do.

What does your shadow leave with the people you pass everyday? Who is welcoming the shade you bring and who is wishing your shadow would pass so that the warmth of sunshine can come back? Is your shadow a welcoming coolness from the heat of their hectic stressed life? Or is your shadow the barrier between them and the warmth they need from a cold harsh world?

Think about the shadow you cast and who it effects and live your life in a way that the shadow you cast is a welcome shadow that gives life to everyone you meet.

TJ James 2011

Yes we can

Even though the bus is nearly empty
   the only seat open to me in in the back.
Even though there is no line of people waiting for water
   I can not quench my thirst at that fountain.
Even though I love my country and want to defend it,
   there is no plain in this man's army that I am allowed to serve in.
Even though I am bright, a child eager to learn
   There is no place in that school for me.
Even though I am just a young man who has done no wrong
   A tree branch and rope await my neck.
Even though I love my children , I can not stop my master
   from selling them off to a far away place.
Even though I just want to run and play on a field of grass
   That park is not a place I am allowed to enter.
Even though the polls are open and the law says I can vote,
   I will not be able to because of poll taxes and tests that exclude me.
                                                                                                        
Can we remember these things?
Can we fall on our faces before a Creator who watched these injustices,
   and can we cry out how sorry we are?
Can we make it right?
Can we start fresh?
Can we restore the rights of every man to what they were meant to be?
YES         WE          CAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TJ 2008

My Plan...

My plan is plain
   Spilled out on a list
I will bow just right
   I will spell out my needs
I will follow the verses
   that guarantee results
I will remember every sermon
   and follow every rule.
And with this plan
   I will have everything I want.

And so I begin
   I thank Him for what He does for me.
I begin to remember all the ways
   He has changed my life.
I reminisce about the times His voice
   spoke to me and nothing else mattered.

I begin to realize
   it has been too long since I heard Him .
I find my bow becoming a desire
   to curl up , to be in His lap.
I start to speak , attempting to follow the plan
   but instead I drift as a child being rocked
   by the gentlest parent ever.

And the plan dissolves
   He takes over and speaks
   of His Love and His plans.
Suddenly I dont want anything at all...
   In the lap of my Creator
   I have everything
   I need........

TJ 2011

The new world.........

The New World The light glares harshly Too bright, much too defined. No friendly curtains to soften the brilliance, They are packed away in the boxes. The usual shadows are gone. No furniture, no pictures, no knick-knacks To cast shadows into the room. The starkness of the light pierces my soul. I hate the hungry truck Watching it gobble up boxes And tables and beds. That monster on wheels is taking Away a part of my life And driving away much too quickly. The driveway where year after year I watched a man come and go daily to work and back, Is now a driveway filled with that same man’s things. Young people, full of dreams Had unlocked doors to brand new homes Knowing life would be good Neighbors sharing new beginnings New friendship, Life…… full steam ahead! Young people don’t imagine death, And sickness, lay offs and foreclosures. Beginnings don’t whisper those words in their ears. But they happen. The working man walks down the drive To comfort a young widow who is frightened and crushed. His hug and words bring a sense of security To her shaky world. The widow walks up the drive to say," I’ll pray" When the working man is ill, jobs are lost, When life brings challenges. The neighbors walk the path From doorway to driveway And stay connected in the middle. They laugh; they share grumblings about the world. They share tools and advice. Somehow they know that whatever life brings The meetings in the middle get them thru. But the new world, the foreign world of mass lay offs And bank closures and a scary word called recession Brings change. So tonight I remember the hungry truck, I stare at the bright light in the empty living room And I grieve my loss. I will never meet my neighbor In the middle ground again. The next harsh turn in my life, I will face alone. Without the comfort of the hugs, the smiles, the words. Inside I am screaming, "bring back the years!" Deep inside I hear myself shriek like a child "I want a re-do!" But the words stay locked within For this is the new world and the truck is gone The harsh light has now been blackened The young people I loved are gone. They left older They left scarred from life’s hard battles They drove from the home of their new beginnings Into a new world of harsh uncertainties. They left with my tears on their shoulders My hugs imprinted on their bodies And my youth buried in their lives. Tina James 12/05/2009